does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
nutella sex= disaster
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
