So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
