Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is classic penis vs brain.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
