You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
