so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
either way he was missing a nipple.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
