i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
