i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
