Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
are you so shy because you have an std?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
