My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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