Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
