He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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