Your face is a jimmy john
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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