i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
