when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
