I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize