So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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