The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
