I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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