I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
