people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
