Betty ford says i'm here all night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the day after is always just damage control
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
