I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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