Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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