thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
