dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
