his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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