A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
