so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
