maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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