Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
