I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
