I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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