At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
