Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
