Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
