my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize