"it" just moved
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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