what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Green mimosas i think yes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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