arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
