he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
