it wasn't lemon gatorade
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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