I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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