I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
