My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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