just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
