i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
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What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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