My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
