I think I won the penis lottery.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
