so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
