I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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