I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
People in love make me want to vomit
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
