sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
