ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize