Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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