Your dad touched me again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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