the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
