UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We're using joints as your birthday candles
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
