I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
