I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
