haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
