I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
