Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
