Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
