I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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