dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
