they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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