i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
