apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
