he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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