My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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