everyone is single if you try hard enough
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
