he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
