I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
