Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
