lets start a swedish sibling band together
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
