I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
do nipples grow back?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
